Yes-or-noI get to hear: “Because you can’t just say no.” often enough. And I think to myself: “Oh, yes, I can.” Because if I say “no”, I’m saying “yes” at the same time. Sounds confusing? Well, it’s really quite simple.

It was not always easy for me to say “no”. I tend to think of those who I brushed off, the ones I rejected or the ones I turned down. I felt guilty when someone asked me for a favor, and I thought of saying “no” – even if I couldn’t get the favor done easily. I felt bad by refusing appointments to “emergency customers”, although my own agenda was filled to the top.

No always means Yes

Until the moment I realized , that every “no” is also a “yes”. Because if I decide against something, at the same time I decide in favor of something else. And in these cases a ‘no’ to others was a ‘yes’ to me. Yes to my needs, my energy level, my wishes. Because every coin has two sides. And now I’m used to look at both, before I decide anything.

If anyone asks me for something,  I directly see the needs related to the question. And then I’m taking my time to look at my need. At the beginning, I asked for some time or took it – so I did not have to directly respond or react to requests. And when I say “no” I am always doing it by pointing out that I would love to support the other person wholeheartedly, with full force, and with absolute focus. But that this would not be possible for me at this particular moment. I then do offer alternatives (delay, someone else, something that works better for my needs) and it worked out very well so far. Because it shows the other person, that he or she is important to me and that I am not just going to let anyone down.

Clarity is key

Clarity is the key. Clarity about what I need. And, about how I feel. Because only I really can decide where I can contribute my energy and my focus to. And to do it from the heart. Because it’s the least that I can give to anyone. I’m 100% there. Whether with a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’.

Say at least three times a day “yes” to yourself. And put yourself in the center. You do not deserve anything less. You are worth it.

In this spirit: Say yes more often!

KAJA